Roulette
by lionized
Summary: All the world wants him for his inexplicable beauty and power, but Sirius Black remains unconcerned with life as ever – that is, until one day, he finally realizes the treasure right in front of him. SBRL slash.
1. His Legacy

A/N: The rating is implemented for sex, drugs and rock 'n roll.

Roulette

Chapter One: His Legacy

"_You put the broke in broken-hearted / You put the art in retarded'_"  
- The Bravery, Public Service Announcement

In our first year at Hogwarts, Sirius Black had been _almost_ normal. True, he could sometimes come off as a bit arrogant and his penchant for coffee was unusually strong for an 11-year old, but other than that, Sirius was just your average boy with all the foolish, romantic notions of a First Year Gryffindor.

Second year, he and James accidentally established themselves as princes of Hogwarts – literally. It started out as a stupid joke – they'd fashioned crowns and addressed each other as 'your highness' for about a week – but even after the phase wore out, students and teachers alike continued to treat them like royalty.

Third year, ah yes, third was the year of the testosterone. Increased height, muscle development, voice changes, facial hair, a sudden interest in the female anatomy.

Fourth, he set a Hogwarts record – seventeen detentions in one week. Sixteen were from hexing Severus Snape – the seventeenth, because he trashed the Gryffindor Common looking for his last bottle of hair gel. A few months later, Sirius Black set another kind of record – thirty-two girls enamored girls had asked him to go with them to the Yule Ball in the time span of a single day, and he had refused each and every one of them. The sobbing went on for weeks.

In our fifth year, Sirius Black developed an addiction to liquor, often showing up to class in a drunken – yet impassible – stupor. He started wearing leather and black eyeliner and used his savings to buy and bewitch a Harley-Davidson. Sirius eventually stopped drinking because girls kept breaking into his stash and filling the bottles with love potions, but the leather, the eyeliner and the Harley stayed to become his trademarks.

And our sixth year at Hogwarts well, year six was when those foolish, romantic notions came back, for Sirius Black fell in love with a boy named Remus Lupin.


	2. The Unexpected Lesson

Roulette

Chapter Two: The Unexpected Lesson

"_This boy's so spectacular / Not a boy, but a wealthy bachelor"_

- Franz Ferdinand, This Boy

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Oh, I wanted to kill him. _Murder_ him.

Or maybe just screw him. Pin him down right then and there, ravish him with my lips, delight in the flush of his swollen lips and the sensation of running my fingers through his amber hair.

Whatever the case, Remus John Lupin was driving me out of my absolute. Fucking. Mind.

The worst thing was, he was acting completely _normal_. He was still the same person as ever, the same books, the same voice, the same goddamn robes that were always two inches too short –

…So since when did everything about him become so _gorgeous_?

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"Sirius. Wake up. _Sirius._"

The sound of curtains being wretched apart, the unwelcome October sunshine on my face, the old pounding in my head, as if a cave troll was rampaging around in there, smashing everything within reach with heavy, dull blows. Not this again.

"Unghhhhh," I groaned, tasting the sharp tang of alcohol in my breath and suppressing the urge to vomit. I pulled the covers over my eyes to block out that irritating sunlight. "Piss off, James."

"I'm not leaving until you explain _these_" – the gentle clink of empty bottles – "to me."

_Fuck._

With immense effort, I resurfaced from the blankets and cracked open one bleary eye. There James Potter stood, arms crossed, thin frame silhouetted by the blinding sunlight streaming in through the window behind him. He was holding three empty scotch bottles in his right hand and an empty beer can in his left, and he did not look happy.

"I thought you quit, Sirius," he said, making my bed creak as he sat down.

"I _did_."

"So what were these doing, strewn all around your bed?"

Damn. I thought I'd hid them better. I distinctly remembered – well, I couldn't remember anything, actually. But that was beside the point. I propped myself up on one elbow and sat up.

"I – it's –"

James was looking at me expectantly. For one second as I looked at his familiar, friendly face, I considered telling him. I thought about opening my mouth and casually explaining to him what was driving me to insanity, the kind of insanity that could only be temporarily overcome with a drink. Or two or three or eight.

"Is this about your family?" he interrupted my thoughts, reaching back to ruffle his dark hair. James only ruffled his hair on two occasions - one, when Lily Evans was near - the other, when he felt uncomfortable.

Forget it. He wouldn't understand.

I swallowed and looked down, blinking. "Yeah. Same deal. I don't want to talk about it."

James nodded, looking away. I suddenly wanted to laugh. Here I was – barely awake, half my brain cells fucked up from drinking myself to unconsciousness – and telling a flat-out lie to a completely sober, attentive James Potter. Merlin, people could be so blind when it came to things they didn't want to see.

"Don't tell Remus," I said quietly. "He'll flip out."

James pushed up his glasses and looked at me hard. "I won't tell him, but if you keep this up, he'll find out for himself. You should be grateful I woke up and found these first," he raised the empty bottles before taking out his wand and gently tapping them, Transfiguring them into little black dice, which he then placed on my nightstand. "You'd be suffering more than just detention if Remus knew you had a relapse."

I snorted as I threw off the covers, got to my feet, crossed to the bathroom and turned on the shower. "Who says I'll be getting detention?" I called, pulling my shirt over my head.

James was now leaning against the doorway, watching me with a rather amused expression on his face. "Well, seeing as how class starts in five minutes, you'll either have show up without your morning routine or thirty minutes late. Your call, mate." He winked before closing the door behind him with a click.

"Bloody hell," I muttered, and reached for my towel.

- - - - - - - - - - -

The moment I stepped into the Transfiguration forty minutes and three cups of coffee later, the class began to actually pay attention. Girls hurriedly checked their lipstick and guys high-fived me as I passed through the room and slid down into my seat between James, who was grinning, and Remus, (oh God), who was not.

Likewise, McGonagall didn't look so pleased at being interrupted in the middle of her lecture. In fact, if looks could kill...well, you know the cliché.

"That's enough, Peter," she snapped. Pettigrew, who'd actually started clapping when I walked in, jumped about a foot at her sharp reprimand and slid his hands under his chair, his chubby face red.

McGonagall then rounded on me, lips pursed, the click of her heels echoing loudly as she neared. "Mr. Black, would you care to give a reason as to why you are so appallingly late to class this morning?"

"Overslept, Professor," I replied, stifling a yawn. A few girls behind me giggled.

"I see," McGonagall said in an icy voice, her eyes narrowed. "And do you always wake up in eyeliner and such liberal amounts of hair gel?"

The class laughed audibly. It was no secret in this school that I spent a lot of time in front of the mirror each morning – James made sure of that. But in all honesty, I didn't mind the jokes, because it would've been trivial to deny them anyway. It was simple, really. I was very aware of my good looks – and so was everybody else. End of story.

"My question is, Mr. Black," McGonagall continued, nearing me. "Do you honestly think the way you look each morning is more important than Transfiguration class?" she glared.

"Oh, you wouldn't want me to answer that, Professor," I grinned. The class roared with laughter.

To my surprise, McGonagall was not fazed; she simply walked away, sat down at an empty desk and faced me with a mild expression on her face.

"Well then, in that case, I see that detention will do you no good, Mr. Black. In fact, since you're so well rested and groomed and I'm obviously too incompetent of teacher to command your attention, why don't you come up in front of the class and finish today's lecture for me?" she smiled. "You can either choose this option or lose fifty points for Gryffindor."

The class went silent as all eyes fell on me.

Shit – I hadn't expected this. My nonchalant facial expression belied the frantic thoughts that were tumbling around in my head. Choosing to lose fifty points was out of the question – I couldn't put a dent in my reputation like that. All right, then, I'd give the lecture. But when was the last time I'd even read the textbook? Come to think of it, where the hell was my textbook?

It dawned on me that McGonagall, sitting there and smiling serenely at me, knew all this. That witch had trapped me into a corner, one from which there was no escape.

And, for the first time in my life, I, Sirius Black, was at a complete loss of what to do.

The silence stretched out. It was starting to get uncomfortably hot. A few nervous coughs rang through the room, making the silence seem even heavier.

"Well?" McGonagall said, still smiling.

I adjusted my tie and shot a sideways glance at Remus. He was looking down at his notes, his expression smooth and uninterested, but in the briefest of moments, he gave me an unmistakable nod.

I blinked and did a double take, my heart pounding loudly. Remus cleared his throat and continued to look down, but by now, his point had come across.

Slowly, painfully, I rose from my seat and walked to the front of the room. I turned around and faced the class. With the exception of McGonagall, who still had that irritatingly expectant expression on her face, and Remus, who was smiling wryly, everybody else looked just as tense and nervous as I felt.

"What is today's lecture topic, Professor?" My unwavering voice pierced the awful, heavy silence.

"Animagi, Mr. Black," she replied, one thin eyebrow arched.

A few seconds of stunned silence. Yes. _Yes._

"Oh – ah – Animagi, yes," I repeated, disbelieving my ears. "I uh, daresay I do know a _bit_ on this subject."

And as I picked up a piece of chalk to write, I caught Remus' eye again. For the first time in all the years I'd known him, his quill was not poised for note-taking before a lecture. Instead, his arms were crossed and he was simply looking at me amusedly. I could've sworn that little bastard even winked at me.

- - - - - - - - - - -


	3. Lily's Confrontation

Roulette

Chapter Three: Lily's Confrontation

"_The world I love, the tears I drop / To be part of the wave, can't stop / Ever wonder if it's all for you_"

- Red Hot Chili Peppers, Can't Stop

- - - - - - - - - - - -

I watched him out of the corner of my eye.

Disheveled hair the color of liquid amber spilling into those intelligent, fathomless eyes. Dark long eyebrows, a straight nose, a small dimple on his left cheek whenever he smiled. His beauty was so simple and yet so inconceivable at the same time.

He was chewing absent-mindedly on the end of his quill as he pored over the History of Magic textbook, occasionally pausing to jot something down. The circles under his eyes were darker than usual and the dim lighting obscured half of his face, giving him a rather serious, somber expression.

Every school night for the past six years, Remus Lupin had done this. Sat down at a table in the Common, spread out his textbooks and completed his homework. It was pretty amazing that he could write for hours on end like this. In fact, James and I had the sneaking suspicion that he actually _enjoyed_ doing his homework. Which struck us as an extremely troublesome idea.

Remus, feeling my eyes on him, paused from his work. He glanced up in a blur of golden eyelashes, but I'd averted my eyes already.

_Ah, love, you'll have to be faster than that._

Looking down at my own blank parchment, I contemplated starting my Potions essay, but decided to forgo that unpleasant idea and began to monogram Remus' initials on the edge of my paper instead, something I'd taken to quite often in the past days. A few minutes passed, silent save for the crackling of the fireplace and the scratching of quills.

At the sound of the portrait door swinging open, I quickly covered my parchment and turned around. In stepped James through the hole, soaked to the skin, a huge grin plastered on his face, his wet hair dripping all over the carpet as he made his way over to the table where Pettigrew, Remus and I sat.

"What happened, did the giant squid try to mate with you or something?" I snickered, grateful for an excuse to lean back in my seat and set down my quill.

"Don't try to ruin my mood with your fantasies, Padfoot," James replied good-naturedly. "For your information, it started raining during Quidditch practice. We're seriously going to _own_ Hufflepuff at next week's match," he grinned maniacally.

"Looking forward to it," Remus murmured, gently removing his notes from the growing puddle that was forming under from James' dripping hair.

"Yeah," James enthused, waving his arms. "It'll be bloody fantastic! Their Seeker, that Hudson bloke, he's not going to know what hit him when I pull this new move called the Wronski Feint, did you know it was invented by this guy who – hey! Evans!"

We all turned in time to see a pretty red-haired girl roll her eyes as she came out of the girls' dormitory and descended the staircase.

"You know, James," she said, coming to a stop next to him. "Given how long we've been going out now, I think it's about time you start calling me by my first name."

"Whatever you say, Evans," James teased, putting his arm around her waist.

Lily gave him a good punch on the shoulder, but the way they were smiling at each other was still revolting enough to make me wish I hadn't eaten that third slice of pumpkin pie at dinner.

"So Sirius," Lily said, turning to me. "That was really quite a _remarkable_ lecture you gave today. Far more informational than the textbook, even…" she trailed off, smiling expectantly at me.

Behind her, James had adopted a rather alarmed expression. I knew exactly what he was thinking, for the same thought was racing across my mind – nobody – not even Lily – was supposed to know…

"Well, Lily, I just make an effort to keep up with my studies," I said pleasantly, picking up my Transfiguration book and leafing through it casually before I realized that I was holding it upside down. Remus hastily turned his snigger into a cough.

"I see," Lily said, smirking a little. "And do you _always_ memorize-"

"Well, this has just been pleasant, everyone," James interrupted cheerfully, stifling a very fake yawn. "But it's getting pretty late, see, and I think it'd be best if we all headed off to bed-"

"Or to the shower-" Remus added quietly without looking up from his notes.

"Point taken," James grinned, looking down at his muddied, dripping clothes. He leaned over and gave Lily a quick kiss. "'Night," he smiled before hoisting up his bag and heading off to the showers, leaving a wet, muddy trail behind him.

Peter stood up and stretched his short, chubby arms. "James is right, I think I'm going to b-b-bed," he yawned, his cheeks ruddy. "You guys c-c-coming?"

"I'll be up in a few minutes," Remus said. He shot me a furtive glance before taking up his quill and opening his textbook again. "I just have to finish these notes."

"Dork," Lily smiled. "You know Binns never checks to see if we do them."

"Well, the only reason why _you_ don't take notes is because you've already got the textbook memorized," Remus said back, not missing a beat. "Don't bother to deny it, James tells us the only reason why he's passing is because you recite passages to him before each test," he added, smiling at her. I nodded in agreement. Lily closed her mouth and a crimson flush crept up her grinning face.

"You coming, Sirius?" Peter's tired voice snapped me out of my reverie. I stood up, shoved my notes and books into my bag, and stepped forward.

"Yeah Pete, I'm – hey!" I staggered, surprised by Lily, who'd grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"He'll be up in a second," Lily smiled sweetly at Peter, who shrugged, stifled another yawn and disappeared into our dorms.

"Sirius, we need to talk," Lily said quietly in my ear as she steered me away from the tables and to the fireside, where a couple of Second Years scrambled at the sight of us, leaving the squashy chairs vacant.

"Sit," she instructed, looking around to see that nobody was nearby. The Common was empty except for Remus, who was across the room and immersed in his textbook, and the Second Years, who'd moved away and were now rather unsuccessfully practicing the Summoning Charm and giggling too hard to pay us any attention.

"What is it?" I asked Lily once we were seated and facing each other.

"It's you. And Remus," Lily replied matter-of-factly. The back of my neck suddenly grew very hot, and I felt grateful that we were facing each other and that she couldn't see my discomfort.

"Uh, what about Memus – I mean, me and Remus?" I stammered.

_Get a grip on yourself, _I gave myself a mental kick. _Sirius Black does not stammer, he does not pause, he acts calm and collected under pressure-_

"Sirius, I think that sometimes you guys forget that I'm a girl," Lily said casually, leaning back into the chair and crossing her legs. Her Head Girl badge gleamed from where it was pinned onto her pristine robes, mocking me a little. "Girls are different from guys, you know."

I blinked, disbelieving that we were having this conversation. "What, like, you guys have fallopian tubes?"

"I'm not talking about reproductive organs," Lily glared at me. "And don't scowl like that, I'm not finished with you yet. What I mean to say is, Sirius, girls are a lot more attentive about things like feelings and emotions."

A few awkward seconds passed.

"…Yeah, okay," I said, springing up from my chair and reaching for my bag. "No offense Lily, I like you and everything, but it's 11:30 and I really would rather be in bed than discussing _feelings_ with you –"

"I'm not _done_," Lily grabbed my wrist and tugged me quite forcefully back down into my seat.

"What is it, then?" I demanded, rubbing my wrist. One thing about this girl – she was a lot stronger than she let on.

Lily ran her fingers through her long hair and leaned in closer to me, her large green eyes carefully surveying me. She had a strong hold over me, and I found that as uncomfortable and awkward as I felt, I could not look away from her. When Lily spoke again, her voice had lost all its previous mettle – instead, it'd become gentle, pleading, almost apologetic…

"Look, it's not easy to tell you this, but – but you should know that – that well, it's just really – it's obvious that you have a crush on Remus," she said quietly.

"I – _what_?" I yelled, jumping up again, causing Lily to cringe a little. "No! I – Remus, he's absurd, I mean, that's absurd – Lily, I don't know what you're about, I don't have a crush on anybody, you're delirious," I finished, breathing heavily, my fists clenched tightly.

A moment of silence passed. Lily looked at me skeptically, her arms crossed and her lips pursed.

"Okay, sorry, that was uncalled for," I said, slowly sliding back into my seat, massaging the stinging skin of my palms where my fingernails had dug into. I glanced across the room to make sure that Remus wasn't looking our way. He was still concentrated on the textbook, frowning slightly as he read, a strand of that delicious golden-brown hair falling into his eyes…

With considerable difficulty, I tore my eyes off him and turned back to Lily.

"_Still_," I hissed, searching her face, "How the – what makes you think that I-"

"Those initials, for one," she said, gesturing towards my bag. I looked down and saw to my horror that the monogrammed edge of my parchment was sticking out, bearing the unmistakable R.L. that I'd so carefully traced moments earlier.

"Oh," I said, leaning down and hurriedly cramming the rest of the parchment into my bag. "Uh, that – that stands for uh, Ralph Lauren, you know, the – the clothing designer…"

I trailed off uncomfortably, trying to look anywhere but at Lily. What the hell was wrong with me? I could get up in front of a class and give a fucking brilliant lecture off the top of my head, but now I couldn't stop stuttering like an idiot, not to mention invent a decent lie, in front of Lily Evans, of all people –

"You also kind of stare at him when you don't think anybody's looking," Lily said quietly, interrupting my thoughts.

I felt the hot blood rush up to my face, the immediate anger flaming up within me. I swallowed, trying to remain calm, and opened my mouth to speak before I realized that I couldn't possibly deny what she'd said because I _had_ just stared at Remus a few seconds ago.

So I closed my mouth.

"Sirius," Lily said, placing one gentle hand on my knee. "Don't be upset with me. Please."

"I'm not," I mumbled. It was true. The only person I was upset with was myself for having been such a bloody obvious idiot.

"I won't tell anybody," she assured me. I nodded gratefully, still looking down. Lily took a deep breath and continued. "It's not my business to say anything, but you know what I think? I think you should go up to Remus and tell him."

I couldn't help but find the proposition wildly amusing, but my laugh was hollow and devoid of pleasure. "Right, yeah," I enthused, "That right there'll solve my all problems, I'd love to have him run away from me, screaming at the top of his lungs, requesting to be moved to another dorm-"

Lily threw me a reproachful look that made me stop chuckling. "Don't assume that'd be his reaction," she said. "Do you honestly think Remus Lupin would act like that?"

"Well, d'you honestly think Sirius Black would really fancy another guy?" I shot back.

"I didn't, but it turns out he does," Lily said calmly, rising from her chair and slinging her bag over her shoulder. "And it's about time that he comes to terms with himself and starts acting upon his feelings. And then maybe he wouldn't show up to class every morning late and reeling from a bloody stinking hangover."

And with that, she got up, smoothed her hair, crossed the Common and disappeared into her dormitory, leaving me standing there, open-mouthed and humiliated beyond belief.


End file.
